I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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