If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want her autograph on my taint
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
