I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Still dying that you shit outside
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
