So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
