I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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