Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
