My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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