dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
