Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
