does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
