apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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