just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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