dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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