it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
