I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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