I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well you can't waste a boner
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
