What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
