I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
