I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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