ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
