OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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