see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
