Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
