dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
