Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
