I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
