You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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