i need an iv and a liver transplant
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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