Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
