dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
