I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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