I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
is that a dick in a sweater?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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