Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
