at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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