he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?