we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
FUCK WHALES
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
