my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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