your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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