I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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