That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
