Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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