hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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