I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
