i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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