I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
