we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
