thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize