dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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