i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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