No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
