if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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