apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
