just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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