1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
