just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
