I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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