Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
