So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
