long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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