i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
