i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
