if i can run in heels then i can drive
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
