I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize