I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
