They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
